Friday, April 29

Mister MacAllister


mister macallister
born a bomb
hot stuff teenager
married a waitress from utah
three kids with too many teeth
garage of broken pieces
job job job day in day out
punch a timesheet
punch at the bar and run
a man dies
electric chair
cowled death comes
“last words?”
mister macallister
“watch me explode”


Inspired by Flash Friday 55 at G-man.



  1. Excellent. You've put a whole nasty, detailed, pointless and very illuminating life in here. I'm not watching the explosion, though.

  2. vicious write...i really enjoyed this...well as much as you can the textures of a train wreck of a life...well told...and i wonder how many we have out there ready to explode...

  3. Brilliant stuff. It gripped me and held me. The building of pressure, the one wrong move and then boom!

  4. And here I am wanting to know his back story. Excellent 55!

  5. Shanae- "Why too many teeth?"

    Was thinking multiple explanations there:

    A) Giant grins on the kids. (Picture perfect family.)
    B) Too many teeth to clean. (Shows his familial responsibilities.)
    C) Play on the cliche "Too many mouths to feed"
    D) It's just a visceral image, as if his kids are little carrion creatures that he has to support.

    If it doesn't work, I'm open to changing it, but for now, I dig it.


  6. Matt....
    You nailed the very essence of the Flash Fiction 55.
    Please join us again.
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

  7. I like it the way it is--the details like "too many teeth" are effective. Dark and tragic story. I think I read about this execution recently, right?

  8. @liv2write2day--

    I made it up.

    @everyone else--

    Thank you for the compliments, I really appreciate it! :D

  9. Matt, It works ...leave it be! Unfortunate, wretched soul he is...Great write.

    Thank you for taking the time to visit~
    ♥ ஆεlεɳa ~.^