Sunday, November 14

One Sentence Movie Reviews #1

I have streaming Netflix now, which means I am stuffing my brain with the culture of the past 50 years or so. I've decided to condense these films into as tiny of a space as possible, because after all, Brevity is the Soul of the Internet.

(Warning, I use spoilers regularly, because only innocents are regularly surprised by anything, and if you are using the world wide web, I highly doubt you are innocent.)


A monopoly uses clones for forced labor, and the clones are sad.

Who is Harry Nilsson?
Some dude gets famous, has a neat singing voice that lots of people dig, then drinks himself to death in front of his wife and five kids.

God is ticked off at us because we are supposed to be nice to each other, even though He sends lots of zombies and an asshole with razor wings to come slaughter us, and when we win, we have learned our lesson, so we carry around lots of guns and ammo in the back of our station wagon.

Year One
Even douchebags could score in the Old Testament.

Walmart employees can stop time and take off your underwear, but it's okay because they're artsy.

Alice in Wonderland
If you are imagining shit, and you just dumped my rich son in front of all of our family and friends, you aren't crazy, and we'll let you sail our boat to China.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Terry Gilliam is a fucking genius.

If you let Dexter replace your brain with nanites, you might be an idiot.

Annie Hall
Awkward smart people can talk a lot about nothing in particular, eventually have sex, and Woody Allen thinks it's probably worth it.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
A dead mad scientist can make giant robots, dinosaurs, and a hot android chick, but two jocks and a blonde can't figure out how to bomb a nuclear missile with their airplanes.

Eden Log
A European security guard goes spelunking, is brainwashed into an environmentalist by plants, then has sex with a tree and cries about it.


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