Muses Aren't Amusing

One of the disturbing things about what I do is that I don't have any idea where it comes from. I've taken classes on "creativity" and more often than not, they focused on what to do after the initial kernel of an idea has been germinating in your brain.

Flashes of inspiration seem to be relatively random, however, the more time I leave myself to think without distractions, the more opportunities for creativity become available. That doesn't mean that I can hide myself in a cave and only think, since the interplay with established creativity is also important. Without a periodic intake of fresh ideas, I end up retreading the same paths over and over again.

The other frustrating thing is that a lot of what I think about cannot be accomplished by me (at least in this lifetime). I'd have to be a specialist to bring forth some sort of advance in whatever field I happen to be thinking about. Sure, I can make superficial contributions, or bring together aspects of different fields, but I will not be the best computer programmer, actor, physicist, or what have you, since I lack the focus. I'm not saying this to be self-deprecating: I understand that it's not my strength to single out one avenue for my creativity.

However, it doesn't mean that I don't get discouraged when I have an idea about spacetime, or a neat piano riff, or a particularly visual dream that would be great as a painting, movie, or video game. I'm not going to have the skills necessary to bring many of these kernels to maturation.

That's not the same as saying I don't have the skills to do anything (which sometimes my mind can get trapped in when I'm depressed). I can do lots of things passably well. But I don't mistake writing some electronic music with being a concert pianist. It's a matter of scale. (Pun intended.)

Added together, both of these impediments combine together to tie my creativity up in knots, until I'm so twisted that I can barely write a sentence. The fact that I don't know where and when it's coming from, and that I don't know what to do with it once I've got it, means that sometimes I get sucked into distractions, like video games, t.v., and the world wide web.

Though I highly doubt that I'll find what I'm looking for in any of those places.